I can always find you
by GwenWallace
Summary: Shepard is incarcerated by the Alliance and fed up with being trapped in a cage. This, and her usual nightmares haunting her, being the last straw.
1. Part 1

I can always find you

Shepard is incarcerated by the Alliance and fed up with being trapped in a cage. This, and her usual nightmares haunting her, being the last straw.

A/N: Maybe a short summary about my Shepard:

\- Spacer kid, Infiltrator and Biotic (this fact is being kept on the down low most of the time), long lineage of Military service in the Family

\- She is said to have lived through Akuze, The Blitz **and** Torfan (The truth about Akuze not being mentioned here. If you are interested I'll write about it sometimes) I know it's much, but I thought the Blitz and Torfan fit so well together that I couldn't resist ^^ (Akuze is another story ;) )

\- The first thing she did after waking up on the Cerberus station was find a console and send out a message to Admiral Anderson. Afterwards she joins Cerberus under false pretences, but can only receive indirect support from the Alliance. Kaidan is more reasonable and is sent by Admiral Anderson to join her on the mission to rescuing Dr. Kenson in "The Arrival"

Since I can't seem to write my Mass effect-version as a whole I compose short-stories in times when the muse has visited me again.

Mass effect of course belongs to Bioware. I just like to play and refine my English.

I hope you enjoy.

* * *

Seven months. Seven months she had to constantly struggle for a chance to get someone to listen to a word she said.

After everything she had done in the past, all the data and with it proof, she had collected, the lifes she had safed, constantly endangering her own and those of her crew members, risking to be found out by the Illusive Man. All of this just to result in her being incarcerated to wait for the Reapers to invade? Trapped in a golden cage that made a mockery out of it?

There had been worse cells than this, but nothing screamed more of betrayal than a comfortable prison. With the others you at least knew where you were at. This was such a lie. They had all the evidence they needed. She had even pulled the video footage of hers and Kaidan's Helmetcameras when they had been forced to destroy the whole Bahak-System. It all spoke in her favour and the whole reason she was not out there preparing troops and outfitting Dreadnoughts, was because of political power play and red tape. Someone didn't want her out there doing what she did best and it pissed her off to no end.

She had awoken from another nightmare that morning, covered in sweat, adrenalin rushing through her veins, a weight pressing down on her chest, that made it hard to breathe, leaving her panting as if she had been outrunning another Threser Maw. The walls of her "prisoncell" trying to smother her. It had been no specific scenario but a mixture of all of them, compiling every hard decision she ever had to make. Elysium, Torfan, Virmire, Horizon, every fear that had come with it, all the moments in which she had doubted the chance of succeeding, thrown together with the visions of the beacon. Faces of the dead flickering through her head, accusing her of failure.

Her mind still racing, eyes frantically searching the room for an escape route and not finding one, as she scrambled out of bed and started pacing the short distance in front of the barrier of tightly sealed windows spanning the eastern wall. She had to calm down, clear her mind as much as possible, because one thing was certain: She would find a way out of this room and past her guarddog of a soldier to have some time to herself beneath the sky and fresh air. The part of her brain that would usually rein in such utterly unresponsible behaviour, was reduced to an incoherent buzzing at the back of her mind by the animalistic instinct of flight.

After another minute filled with deep calculated intakes of sterilized air did she approach the little, but heavily secured console at the side of her door. The only electronic device they had granted her access to, after having a taste of her hacking abilities in the first days of her imprisonment. Back when she had still been in one of the darker, smaller holdingcells, down in the bowels of the Alliance Headquarters and before they had confiscated her Omni-tool. Rooms, only few knew even existed. It hadn't been a means to cause harm to the Alliance. She had simply forwarded strategies to Admiral Steven Hackett directly, bypassing the protective firewalls around the main servers. He had thanked her by taking away her only link to the outside world. His way of spiting her whim of childish rebellion. At least he thought he had, oblivious of certain visitors, whose clearance allowed them to keep their own device with them. Well, he tried.

Judging from her schedule she could be out and back in without anybody noticing.

The clock read 4:00am so she'd have two hours still to do her morning routine and shower before someone brought her breakfast. Sitting down on the edge of her bed, she again took several deep calming breaths, shaking off the last remainders of her nightmares and then got up to get to work.

* * *

The moment he turned the corner he knew something was amiss. It was not the foot traffic, leaving visible prints on the floor. It seemed to be the air. Thick with humidity from people carrying it inside in their clothes and hair. The slight scent of rain lingering despite the constant current created by the air conditioner. Yet it was missing something. He hadn't felt it, whenever he had passed through here before.

The realisation hit him just as the doors to her "cell" slid open presenting him with the gaping emptiness of her room. Emphasized by the grey light filtering in through the large windows, as the rain drummed against the glass in an incessant downpour.

His tone was calm but he was seething beneath the surface. "Corporal. Where the hell is she?" And where the hell was Lieutenant Vega? The young soldier beside him turned, irritation clear on his face, instantly replaced by horror as soon as he saw what the Major had meant.

"Holy shit..." He muttered under his breath before straightening visibly beneath the taller man's stern gaze, swallowing heavily before speaking up. "I'm afraid I have no idea Sir. All the scanners inside where indicating her presence last time I checked."

"And you didn't care to take another look inside since? Not once?!" He tried to keep his bristling anger under control. He was not upset with the soldiers mistake. It was her idiotic behaviour that made his blood boil. So unusual from his normally calm demeanour. How could she so foolishly risk the still unstable trust the Admiraltyboard had extended towards her, after reviewing the Exabytes of information she had pulled from Cerberus' servers, proving her involvement with them had been under false pretences, while she reported everything back to Admiral Hackett. That the Admiraltyboard was a bunch of blind selfish hypocrites who tried to use her as their scapegoat to hide their own incompetence and corrupt intentions was a problem they couldn't ignore and yet not the issue at the moment.

"Yes Sir I brought her breakfast at six and then took up my post." So she had still been there at the time. As far as he knew there were no air ducts worth mentioning that could fit a person, or windows that opened, which meant she could have only left through the door. Which had been locked. "Did she at any point have physical contact with you?" For a moment the younger man looked at him sceptically, surprised by his forward interrogation, but then it seemed to dawn on him. "Yes. I spilled some of her drink on myself and she helped me clean up my uniform. I couldn't believe it. She was so nice when we talked afterwards. Nothing like most people say."

Then suddenly his gaze went cold. Both men's eyes falling to his wrist. The soldier flexed his hand, but nothing happened. "She used me to unlock the door."

Kaidans brows knit together tightly. _But she couldn't have opened the door without the Corporal noticing._

 _No she couldn't have!_ He thought himself to know Shepard as being one of the most resourceful Infiltrators out there. Her intelligence and detailed knowledge of everything technical being one of the reason why they had limited her access to electronic equipment to a minimum, especially after that little incident with Admiral Hacketts private messages. All of it kept quiet to other officials. Kaidan knew she had wanted to get caught, all for the sake of reminding a man she knew since childhood that she was only staying locked up because she needed to play along. "Everything else could lead to being court-martialled under detention of Evidence." Was what she had told him during one of his visits in which she had snatched his Omni-Tool -not without his protest- to check on some of her sources and contacts. The obedient soldier in him not quite able to believe this overly distrustful view of hers. And at the same time he understood where she got it from. Both parents being high ranking officers continuing a long lineage of Admirals created another angle to take into consideration. It was why she had refrained from picking an open fight with the militaristic system, out of pure foresight towards the looming threat of the Reapers.

Shepard, bluntly spoken, was nobody you wanted as your fully fledged enemy. Cerberus being the alone recipient of her commitment towards keeping her promises at the moment, ever since she had arrived in Vancouver. She had connections all over the Milky Way and if he hadn't come to know of Liara taking up the position as Shadow Broker he would have figured Shepard being one and the same.

Yet even she couldn't just put a Tactical Cloak onto any Tool, not in that short window of time and under the lack of fabric which was compatible to the optical camouflage. _What am I doing here? I need to find her, not play detective._

"I'll report this at once." The soldier said already turning to leave, but Kaidan stopped him. "Find Admiral Anderson and tell him I'm taking care of it." The younger man looked at him in uncertainty and asked: "Will you require backup Sir?"

"No I can handle it. Just tell him it's under control and resume your post if you don't receive further orders." He'd have a private word with Lieutenant Vega, about leaving his specifically assigned post to a rather green Corporal, after their return. With a quick Salute did the Corporal turn and march away, while Kaidan locked the security door with a heavy sigh. "Damn it Serene!"

* * *

A/N: I'm sorry for the cliff-hanger, but the next part isn't finished and I honestly wanted to see if there are people out there who actually want to read more ;). So again I'm sorry and I hope to finish it soon.

Cheers!


	2. Part 2

Even though rain was a familiar visitor to the city of Vancouver, he had not encountered many civilians on the wet sidewalks, as his feet carried him to the places he could think of finding her at. And the more time passed, the more did he see his chance of finding her on his own dwindle. If Commander Serene Shepard, specialist in the field of Infiltration, N7 operative and former Spectre, didn't want to be found, chances for it were slim to non-existent. His private involvement with her was the only advantage he had at his disposal and even that left him in doubt at the moment, since he had been at it for hours now. Nothing aside from short moments, in which he had felt a familiar presence prickling at the back of his neck, indicating for him to be any closer of finding her in this unrelenting onslaught of rain. His clothes clinging to his body like a second skin since shortly after his rash departure from Headquarters.

They had only been to the little bar, he had told her about, once. Right on top of a wide pier overlooking English Bay. The absurdity of their disguises amusing them whenever the wind had tugged on her black wig, or his baseballcap that day. He could still see her standing by the edge of the landing, hands on the railing, enclosed safely by his jacket and his warm chest pressing against her back as he had held her, the chill of the oncoming night ascending around them. A fragment of the time they had spent together in blissful peace. Days from three years ago that felt like they had been yesterday. Back then before everything had imploded around them. As the Memory slowly faded, a lonely figure, dressed in a dark, soaked hoody remained in the exact same spot. Unmoving on the deserted pier.

The familiar tingling of her own biotics on his skin welcomed him as he came to stand beside her, debating in his head about what to say to her. His bristling anger having been washed away long ago by the rain and the growing concern for her safety. Yes, she could undoubtedly take care of herself, but it was no secret that the Batarian Monarchy was still out for blood despite evidence, so nobody had put it beyond them to put out a bounty on her life.

And so he asked the first thing that had filled his mind as the door to her room had revealed her escape.

"Serene, why did you disappear like this?" The way she closed her eyes, inclining her head, as she heaved a heavy sigh almost gave him the answer even before she spoke up.

"I just needed to get out of there as soon as possible." Her eyes telling everything else he needed to know. The normally radiant cerulean blue was almost a dull grey in the light of this rain-heavy, early afternoon, rimmed by dark circles but in their depths he could still make out the remnants of the strong, overwhelming instinct, which had driven her here in the first place. Were he any other soldier, he would have already apprehended her without hesitation. But he wasn't and he knew it would have only made matters worse. Nor was it the way she deserved to be treated. Similar to a criminal who posed a threat to the general public.

Her shifting beside him brought his gaze back to her face. "I know it was petty and more trouble than anything else but," she paused for a moment looking out over the water again, "I'm so sick of this farce. I should be out there preparing for the Reapers and instead I am playing enemy of the state, trapped like another animal at the Zoo," She scoffed in disgust "minus the gawking onlookers. I bet they would if they could." He had no reply to that. Every pep talk he could give her, she had probably already given herself. "Well, let's just hope Anderson keeps this on the down low for both our sakes and no one will know what happened." He said reassuringly.

Offering her his hand Kaidan asked: "Shall we? Because I'm at least as soaked as you are." She gave him her trademark smirk. "Then it's high time we got out of them, don't you think?"

"Maybe later, **after** we have avoided further court-martial?" He said dramatically as he enclosed her cold hand with his.

Brows knitting together, she gave him a disappointed pout, accompanied by a huff. "You **can't** believe there'll **be** a later, after we are back and David is done with me."

Anyone they passed would simply think them to be lovers, taking a stroll through the rain, undisturbed by the drops falling upon their heads, exchanging fond smiles.

"I have to ask. How did you pull it of?"

A sheepish smile stole itself upon her face as she answered. "It wasn't that big of a deal as soon as I had the Corporal's Omni-Tool. That was the precondition though, otherwise it would have been too risky. So, I used it to hack into the console by the door and through the network into the security-cameras of the level. After finding the right angle to watch and preparing the override to open the door, it was only a matter of creating the right diversion to pull the Corporal away. Which was tricky in itself, since I have his Omni-Tool, so it had to be something simple, but just as useful as causing a jammed door for him to fix, or the like. You'll laugh surely, as did I as soon as I had left the perimeter." Trying to stifle her own chuckle as the memory came back to her, she continued.

"It so happened that a lonely woman with her arms filled with OSDs and Datapads rushed down the corridor from the opposite direction, in which I wanted to escape. She was petite and rather easy on the eyes. The perfect target and so all I needed to do was have one of the doors malfunction and voilà! She stumbled, the content in her arms fell and the rest you can imagine." Serene said winking at him. Kaidan did laugh, not because he found it to be particularly funny, but because it was so utterly ridiculous to have something, right out of most cheesy romance movies, happen in real life.

"You think she slipped him her number?" He mused, mischief shining in his eyes, evoking a playful shrug from her before both of them broke out in a gale of laughter.

It all ended abruptly when the Headquaters came into view. She lead him into one of the closest alleys, pressing him against the wall, her hands framing his jaw and neck, their faces only a hair's breadth apart, making the static, that always grew with increasing proximity, almost maddening. "I'm so sorry for getting you into this mess Kaidan. Had I known you'd come see me, I wouldn't have," he silenced her by closing the distance between them, flooding her senses with his scent and warmth that radiated from his body despite his clothes. He reverted their positions, encircling her with his arms as he deepened the kiss. His nerves were on fire from finally feeling her in his arms again. He hated how much he missed her, hated that he couldn't do more for her and for goodness sake did he loathe the universe in this moment for making the woman he loved go through all she had, just to be misjudged and dishonoured for fighting to save it.

Both gasped for breath as they parted. Touching his forehead to hers Kaidan said: "Technically I got into it myself, by coming to look for you alone and in trying to keep anybody else than Anderson from knowing about it. So, guilty as charged." He pressed another short kiss upon her lips. "Wouldn't have it any other way."

* * *

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this follow-up. I always appreciate any advice regarding the use of language, since I mainly learned it through reading, watching movies and playing video games^^. I'm not 100% certain if I'll add any more chapters regarding this particular story, or if I'll use it to create a collection of short stories. Anyway thanks again for reading.

Cheers! Gwen


End file.
